DEBATE: Go to a Fantasy Football Draft or to a Friends Wedding?
September 22, 2009 by Adam and Sital
Filed under Debates, Featured
Tony and Jessica have been dating for 2 years and are in a happy long-term relationship. Jessica’s friend, who Tony is also friends with is getting married in the fall. Unfortunately the wedding is planned on the Saturday of Tony’s annual, in-person fantasy football draft with his buddies from college.
Tony knows he should go to the wedding; he and Jessica have been together for a while and there will be a lot of people there that know them. On the other hand, he has been playing in this football league for years, even before he was with Jessica, and would hate to miss out on the annual ritual (not to mention end up with a bad team!).
Should Tony participate in his draft or go to the wedding with Jessica?
I love fantasy football, I've been the commissioner of my fantasy league, I met my husband over a rousing FFL discussion. I am sitting in front of our 42" HD TV, watching the Chargers-Ravens game, my laptop has the 49ers-Seahawks game, his laptop has the Steelers-Bears game going and I'm giving you my 2 cents on a fantasy football-relationship debate, SO it's abundantly clear who's side I'm on. He should go and she should give him a pass and let him go to to his fantasy draft.
We're at that age when every weekend seems to be filled with at least one "event" - bachelorette/bachelor parties, the showers (the bridal & baby kind), "the" big birthdays (the BIG 3-0 and the BIG 4-0s), it's always something. I put the fantasy draft in the same category - it's an event of it's own kind and it only comes around ONCE per year! Just ONCE!
When you've got 10-12 guys drafting, it's tough to find a single time when every one is free. Sometimes, it's nearly impossible. Sure, he could get another guy to draft for him, but that's like asking your frenemy to pick you an outfit. The outcome will be a crapshoot.
Let's put it in perspective, it's not a family member's wedding, it's just a friend. I think if she gives her guy a pass, she's showing him that she's a cool chick - the kind of girl that's understanding and the kind he wants to be with long term.
Come on girl, give him a hall pass on the friend's wedding. He'll love you for it.
Being a big fantasy football fan, I can relate to this situation. For those that can't relate, let me break it down for you (man I wish I had a web-version of a telestrater!)
So, there are two major downsides to deciding not to participate in the draft:
1. You will likely get stuck with an awful team, or at least one you don't like. I know there are ways to rank people ahead of time and all that stuff, but that just never works out. You end up getting stuck with guys you didn't really want and it leaves you thinking "If only I had been there I would have never drafted <dude-you-would-have-never-drafted>!"
2. You miss a bonding moment with your buddies. I've participated in a couple in-person drafts - they're a good time! As guys get older and more into relationships, our "guy time" gets reduced faster than our hair line. Having to miss a special occasion, especially one that occurs each year just stinks.
Now with that said, here's what you do Tony:
You go to the wedding.
What?! Huh? Did I just say that? Awkward conversation & the chicken dance vs. drunken man fun & a quality football squad?!
Yes, I said it. Go to the wedding.
Here's why:
As a guy, especially one in a long term relationship, there are very few chances you get to earn big points. Not just, "here are some flowers out of the blue" points, but big BIG points. My good friend Steven Covey would call it "deposits in the emotional bank account." By sacrificing your fantasy football day and going with Jessica to the wedding, you are showing her how much she means to you. By giving up something you feel is important for something she feels is important, you're proving to your lady how much you dig her.
Trust me, it's a big deal if you're not there. See, showing up to a wedding solo as a lady is bad enough. But having to explain to ones friends that your boyfriend (whom they all know!) is not there because fantasy football is awful. She'll be embarrassed, uncomfortable, and probably a bit resentful , even though she'll play off being understanding.
Plus, you'll get credits in the bank. That's right my friend, you will earn yourself a get out jail free card (my good friend Steven Covey would call this a deposit into the emotional bank account).
Forget to leave the seat up for a week or two? No biggie, you went to the wedding instead of your annual draft. Accidentally wash her clothes with some bleach? Its cool, you demonstrated that you really love her. Get caught having sex with a horse for the second time? That wedding better have been in the Midwest at a mosquito farm during the peak of summer!
And at the end of the day you know that fantasy football is mainly luck anyways. If you do well in the league you can say it was all in your skills, and if you suck you can blame it on you not being there at draft time. It's a Win-Win-Win!
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WHAT????
What’s wrong with going to a wedding solo? I’ve done it and had a blast. Lots of single people go to weddings by themselves. When did it become embarrassing for the hooked-up people to go Lone-Ranger-Style?
AND talk about scoring points – Jessica will score big with all of her male friends. She’ll be the talk of the wedding for giving Tony a hall-pass. It’s a complete win-win for her — the guys will think she’s an incredible girlfriend (dare I say, a guy’s gal?) and the girls (who don’t like football) are gonna throw her their sympathy vote.
Seriously? Is this really a debate? If you can’t decide whether to go to a friend’s wedding or do a fantasy draft then you are a total loser and don’t deserve an invitation! And Sital! Shame on you for promoting this behavior just to be seen as a cool chick?! Hardly a win-win as poor Jessica is dancing with the ring bearer! Pathetic!
But since you’re so cool, I am sure you won’t mind when your friends miss your major life events because they have to walk their dog…
I totally agree with everything in FantasySportsWidow’s post. Now I consider myself to be a laid back girlfriend, and I LOVE sports, but this seriously, should not even be a debate. Fantasy football is fun, yes. And it can win you a lot of money, yes. But it in no way takes priority over a friend’s wedding, which is (as mentioned in the post above) a “major life event”.
Who cares about scoring points with your male friends? If you are a cool person to begin with, you don’t need extra points and you must be really insecure if you need that extra validation from your friends.
Girls….having your boyfriend attend the football draft over your friend’s wedding means he actually is choosing gambling over you and whether you are fine with it or not means nothing. He doesn’t care about you. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with attending any wedding solo, in this case, at the wedding, you look like a total pushover with a loser boyfriend who only cares about himself.
Bottom line – A fantasy football draft is a fun event that happens once a year. You miss it this year, no biggie, you’ll do it next year. A wedding is a major event that happens once in a lifetime. Period. The choice is obvious.
I can understand both points of view, because both of you are making the same under-lying argument: give up something important to you to show your significant other that you care about them.
I do think JustStoppingBy makes a good point that fantasy football happens every year and a wedding is a once in a lifetime event (although unfortunately, I think the average is probably higher than one marriage). There are a lot of weddings that seem to come up though, so
I think it really depends on how important the draft is to the guy versus the wedding to the lady. As Steven Covey would say “where are you?” (you then rate how important the issue is to you on a scale from 1 to 10 and then decide if it is necessary to debate)
What’s next ladies? Are we going to be forcing guys to escort us to everything? Baby showers? Co-ed/couples showers?
It’s about how close a friend the person getting married is. The scenario clearly calls the person getting married “Jessica’s friend” and “also a friend of Tony’s” and doesn’t state whether it’s the bride or groom.
If it’s a really good friend, of course he should go. If it’s a friend who Tony doesn’t consider all that close or a friend through Jessica, then I still think he should get a pass.
Damn – poor Sital… getting lit up by the anti-fantasy sports ladies! Looks like I win another debate
It ain’t over, till it’s over. Where are all the guys out there? So far, it’s just the ladies giving a shout out. Weigh in my friends, weigh in!!!
Do we know if Tony is just casual friends with the bride and/or groom? That is, introduced through Jessica? It seems that if so, and since Tony’s annual event pre-dates his relationship w/ Jessica, he could opt to attend his annual event. It doesn’t matter that it is sports related. It could be any other date-dependent tradition (ie. family reunion, grandma’s 100th birthday, conflicting wedding, sister’s graduation, military reunion, etc.)
But just in case, Tony may want to make sure that the couch is extremely comfortable before putting his foot down …
Both Ashley and JustDroppingBy make good points. I can see both points of view, too, and although initially inclined to say “definitely go to the wedding because it only happens once,” it depends on how good of a friend we’re talking about. Is the friend who’s getting married really close with both Jessica and Tony, or at least Jessica? Does Jessica really care if Tony goes to the wedding? Just like most dating/relationship situations, there is no cookie-cutter answer… it all really depends on a lot of details like this.
Clearly, if this is a close friend Tony needs to go to the wedding. Relationships are more important than anything else, and if Tony opts to do the fantasy draft instead of the wedding chances are he’ll choose other things before the relationship down the road, too. If he’s serious about the relationship, bottom line is he needs to invest in it, just like anything else that is important in life. And if he doesn’t – he’s probably going to lose it at some point. It’s just the way it is.
If this is not a very close friend, and Jessica doesn’t really care (I could go to a wedding by myself – have done that, especially if I know other people there), and Tony would rather do the fantasy draft – then by all means, that’s totally cool.
However, there is one interesting thing about the debate question. It says, “Tony knows he should go to the wedding.” Well, if that’s the case, then is there really a debate about it?
In my league, the draft is required, we even have ladies video chat in.
However, I would never schedule it for a time when someone has a wedding. We usually do week nights so nobody has a big event conflict. It seems like “big events” are a burden to some people, they are something to look forward to for me. It is important to me to share my friends milestones with them.
To me a friends wedding is just as important as a family member’s wedding, as I treat my friends like my family, my chosen family.
It really isn’t an issue of whether someone could go to a wedding solo or not. Everyone can, it isn’t a big deal.
But relationships are not only around when it’s convenient. Unless there is a personal issue where he doesn’t like the bride and groom, he should be there.
I probably would do both. See if the draft time could be moved up or down, if not the wedding wins. But the real fault lies in the planning of the draft.