Guys: Is Your Lady Awkward in Bed? Here’s How to Fix it!
August 31, 2009 by Tobias S.
Filed under Better Dating, Featured
Ah, the horizontal tango. Knocking boots. Making the beast with two backs. Parking the pink Plymouth in the garage of love. Sexual congress. Sex: it’s a beautiful thing! And there sure are a lot of euphemisms for it.
Unfortunately, if it’s also a new activity for you and your lady friend, it’s entirely possible that there might be some awkwardness involved. Not on your part, of course -you’re a demon in the sack, natch – but on hers. Obviously this is not a good thing.
So what causes this and what can you do about it? Let’s take a look in a little more detail:
The cause
What’s the cause of awkwardness in the sack? Gee, I don’t know, could it be the nudity? Yes! The most likely cause of in-bed anxiety is that your girl is self-conscious about some part of her anatomy…or all of it. Fair enough, after all, not everyone’s a perfect physical specimen like you! Getting nude in front of a stranger is not something that many of us do often, so except for the exhibitionists amongst us, a little timidity the first few times is only to be expected.
The other possible cause of awkwardness in the sack is inexperience. ‘Nuff said, it’s only natural to feel a little awkward whenever you attempt a new physical activity, whether it’s ballroom dancing, golf, or doing the ‘mattress mambo’.
Don’t forget that the thing with awkwardness is that once it exists, it feeds off awkwardness in other people, actual or perceived. So if your girl is awkward and that makes YOU feel awkward, then the two of you can get caught in an awkwardness feedback loop…and no one wants that. So think about the vibe you’re giving off too.
The cure
Luckily, awkwardness in the bedroom is totally fixable (awkwardness in the backseat or on your desk at work on the other hand, is probably always going to carry a degree of awkwardness).
Here’s one strategy that might work: alcohol.
Yes, alcohol! Don’t dismiss alcohol. It’s been heavily involved in the early phases of many a great relationship, not to mention many a *ahem* not entirely planned pregnancy. And why? Well, if you didn’t know, a little alcohol helps people to loosen up and lose their inhibitions.
It also helps to get rid of the self-consciousness that most people get when they get nude. You might find a little tipple goes a long way and that after you’ve done without awkwardness once, the monkey is off your backs, and next time it’ll be natural without any substance abuse required!
The other ‘cure’ is time.
Yes, time! Usually this kind of awkwardness sorts itself out without you needing to do anything. In the meantime, the best strategy is to take the reins, and the initiative, in the bedroom. Take charge and pretend that there’s no awkwardness, and it shouldn’t be long before there isn’t any.
The final piece of advice is not to bring the issue of the awkwardness up with your girlfriend. If you bring it up in conversation, you run the risk of making her even more self-conscious, so it’s better to wait it out as above.
There’s one exception to this, and it’s when you’ve been doing ‘it’ for a while, with no appreciable reduction in the awkwardness stakes. In that case it’s possible that your girl has some serious body image or other issues, and you should not hesitate to dump her ass immediately.
Kidding! You should, of course, encourage her to seek appropriate counseling and remain by her side the whole time.
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I think communication with any relationship problem usually goes a long way. It might be best to not directly state that you find your lady awkward, but there are other ways to have a conversation about your sex life. Also, I think guys can play a big role in helping their ladies overcome insecurities, including complimenting them often (especially when they’re naked!). The more comfortable they feel with you, the less they will think about any insecurities they have.