Surprise! No one wants to hear about your good relationship
February 4, 2010 by Adam R-Z
Filed under Better Dating, Featured, Guys, Explained
Happy Couple = boring to talk about
After a fun evening at Wine Steals with several friends that are in seemingly happy relationships, one of life greatest truths has become even more evident: When you are in a good relationship that’s been going on for a while, no one wants to hear about it.
Seriously – when was the last time you REALLY wanted to hear about a friend of yours awesome relationship? Guys – do you really want your boy to go on and on about how great Becky is, the girl he’s been dating for two years? Ladies – are you really that interested in hearing the details of how happy your girlfriend is with fiance Dante? NO! No one wants to hear about that! Its sad but true.
I can’t speak for the ladies out there, but here is how the conversation between a couple of guys happens when things are going well between a buddy and his somewhat long-term (longer than 6 months) girlfriend/fiance/wife:
Guy 1: “So how are things with you and Arlene?”
Guy 2: “Things are good man. We’re really getting along well”
Guy 1: “Cool.”
And that’s it. Next subject.
You might think we would explore the depths of this topic:
- Why are things so good with Arlene?
- What is about her that makes you happy?
- How often are you guys doing it these days?
- In what positions?
After all, since we’re buddies, you would think we would want to know why our friend is so happy! Yet for some reason, when it comes to relationships, we don’t get into the details once we know things are good.
Contrast this with how we discuss sports, our jobs, or our house.
If we are making some updates on our house and we’re asked about how things are going with it, we’ll happily share with you all the changes we’re making, the contractors we hired, how long it will take them to finish up, etc. We’re downright eager to talk about how well things are going in an impressive level of detail. Same for our sports team: Ask a soccer fan “How is the U.S. Soccer National team doing?” and they’ll be quite excited to go on about latest matches, injured players, chances in upcoming World Cup etc.
The key thing here is that guys are happy to go on about something EVEN IF THEY KNOW THE PERSON THEY’RE TALKING TO IS NOT REALLY INTERESTED (note: this seems to especially be the case with older males… go ahead… ask your Dad about how his favorite sports team is doing… $10 says he will not care if you fall asleep while he’s talking, he WILL share with you how the Aztecs are an athletic but undersized team…)
So we’re more than happy to go on and on about a subject even when we know our friends are not interested. Yet for some reason when it comes to our relationships, we get as tight lipped as a captured terrorist. Why is that? Allow me to share some insights:
1. A guy doesn’t want to seem like a wuss
Guys – back me up on this one: Those moment you’re with your lady… all happy and baby talking and stuff… not at your most manliest, am I right?
So when someone asks how things are going and things are kick-ass it makes us think about those times when we’re cuddling and giddy and not at all very manly. As a result, we don’t want to talk about it. Yea, it’s nice, it’s cool…. And that’s about all the insight you’re going to get because the reality is that we don’t want our friends to know that we’re super into a girl (even if we placed a rock on her finger). Its just not masculine.
2. You don’t want to rub it in the face of others
When you’re in a happy relationship, the last thing you want to do is go into detail about it in front of others that may not be that happy. It’s just rude. It’s like eating a Big Mac in front of a bum.
They (your friends) want what you got (at an abstract level of course ) so there’s no need to rub it in their face how happy you are. A simple “things are good” is explanation enough. If they want more details they’ll ask. And even then, as the happy guy in the relationship, you have gauge whether or not they REALLY want to know or are just being polite. I’ll cover that in another posting.
3. It’s just not all that interesting
Ever wonder why on the Real World/Jersey Shore (they’re the same show right? Just one has more Italians?) the group is never really happy? That’s because… here’s the revelation… wait foooor it….
Happy isn’t interesting.
Drama is interesting. Tears, bruises, vomit, arrests… interesting!
Baby talk, happiness, contentment…
yawn…
A good buddy of mine (let’s call him Maxwell – bonus points if you recognize him from the podcasts) made the analogy to news: No one watches good news. The more horrific, awful, depressing, disturbing the news is, the more likely we are to tune in.
Same for a relationship.
If you’re really happy in relationship, its just not that interesting to talk about. If she cheated on you with a player on the Lakers? Well shiiiiiiit, we could talk all night about that! But, do you really want to hear about how we painted our bedroom last weekend and it was awesome? No! You would have started looking around for other people to talk to once I mentioned “Home Depot”. The stuff that happy couples do just isn’t that entertaining to share.
So what’s the takeaway… the moral of the story? Don’t be offended/surprised/disappointed once you get into a happy relationship and no one wants to hear about it. It comes with the territory. Don’t get mad at your friends because they don’t want to hear about how great things are. Accept it as a (minor) side effect that comes along with dating someone awesome.
The one thing I am curious about though… do these same rules apply to the ladies? I could see 2 & 3 applying equally across genders, but #1 it would seem you don’t have to worry about.
Is it easier to talk about happy relationships amongst your friends as a woman? Share your thoughts.
Surprise! No one wants to hear about your good relationship
After a fun evening at Wine Steals with several of my friends that are in seemingly happy relationships, one of life greatest truths has become even more evident: When you are in a good relationship thats been going for a while, no one wants to hear about it.
Seriously – when was the last time you REALLY wanted to hear about a friend of yours awesome relationship? Guys – do you really want you boy to go on and on about how great Becky is? Girls – are you really that interested in hearing in detail how happy your girlfriend is with Dante? NO! No one wants to hear about that! Its sad but true.
I can’t speak for the ladies out there, but here is how the conversation between two (or more) guys goes when things are going well between your buddy and his somewhat (longer than 6 months) girlfriend/fiance/wife:
Guy 1: “So how are things with you and Arlene?”
Guy 2: “Things are good man. We’re really getting along well”
Guy 1: “Cool.”
And that’s it. Next subject.
You might think we would explore the depths of this topic: Why are things so good with Arlene? What is about her that makes you happy? How often are you guys doing it these days? In what positions? After all, since we’re buddies, you would think we would want to know why our friend is so happy! Yet for some reason, when it comes to relationships, we don’t get into the details once we know things are good.
Contrast this with how we discuss sports, our jobs, or our house. If we just moved into a new house and we’re asked about how things are going with it, we’ll happily share with you all the changes we’re making, the contractors we hired, how long it will take them to finish up, etc. We will happily talk about how well things are going in an impressive level of detail. Same for our sports team: If the question of “How is the U.S. Soccer National team doing?” comes up, we’re quite excited to go on about latest matches, injured players etc. The key thing here is that we’re happy to go on about something EVEN IF WE KNOW YOU’RE NOT REALLY INTERESTED (note: this seems to especially be the case with older males… go ahead… ask your Dad about how his favorite sports team is doing… $10 says he will not care if you fall asleep while he’s talking, he WILL share with you how the Aztecs are an athletic but undersized team…)
Yet – for some reason when it comes to our relationships, we get as tight lipped as a captured terrorist. Why is that? Allow me to share some insights:
1. You don’t want to seem like a wuss.
E
Related posts:
#1 – Does not apply to ladies. C’mon, all you modern men out there, embrace your mushiness! Ok, start by telling women about it, maybe your boys aren’t as advanced as you and aren’t ready for it
But we’ll eat it up. #2 – Unless my current boyfriend is being a huge d*ck, or I just got dumped, I am more than happy to listen to other people talk about their happy relationships! Even if one of those two situations does apply, I may not be as happy to hear about it, but I’ll certainly listen, and I can appreciate why you want to tell me about it. In this crazy world we live in, I think its awesome that two people can make each other so happy. #3 – Hmmm…..well, lets put it this way. If you are my friend, that means that I like you and your personality, so I’m probably gonna be cool to listening to you talk about you & your sig. other, because you know better than to talk about weird boring crap. I’m happy to hear about the sweet stuff, bc I know its important to you. On the other hand, I have some acquaintances that I would like to put duct tape over their mouths, and thats why they are acquaintances. I (a) don’t really care that much, and (b) they have sub-par story telling abilities.
And, yes, you are right, guys will go on about some random subject forever even if you don’t care