How Infidelity Relates To Financial Infidelity

This also makes sense in light of statistical facts that even a “normal” affair only ends in a sustained relationship 1-3% of the time. Yet people like Tiger Woods commit financial AND physical adultery all the time – either by blatantly paying for sex via a service, or by paying to be romantically involved with a person that isn’t their spouse. I typically talk about financial infidelity – as I do in my book of the same name – as any time one person goes behind their partner’s back to make a financial purchase. It’s a symptom related to other problems that cause people to have physical affairs and it can be anything from getting extra cash back at the grocery store to use on yourself, to keeping a separate bank account for your own purchases.

Sure, Tiger Woods’ story is a bit extreme and most people aren’t spending that much behind their spouse’s backs, but the same conclusions can be drawn wether you’re dishonest about $40 or $40K and whether you’re just committing financial infidelity or if you’re also engaged in a physical affair. I believe adultery can be cured physiologically as well as emotionally (generationally) by balancing stress and brain chemicals, through Psychotherapy, medical work up and treatment as I do with my patients with a team approach with an MD.

Stress Can Contribute To Both Kinds Of Infidelity

People who have experienced severe stress, loss and separation with their parents at an early age suffer an impact on their hormones. This hormonal change results in what I call the Bio Chemical Craving for Connection to establish certain equilibrium physically. Having done much research on the subject, I believe these feelings follow people into adulthood as we see with people like Tiger Woods who are under a lot of stress. People who engage in an affair (emotional, financial, physical, or otherwise) are usually looking to self-medicate these feelings but what they’re really doing is creating even more stress, separation and loss in their lives.

Until they learn how to deal with the base causes of their emotions, they likely won’t be able to eradicate this cycle from their lives.

According to Reuters:

“IllicitEncounters.com said it has seen a huge increase in the number of financial workers signing up to have affairs after the collapse of the markets in October last year, and that “finance” continued to be one of the most represented professional areas on the site.”

Does Money Make You More Vulnerable?

The website set out to determine why this was so. They interviewed 380,000 members, 20,000 of them work in financial services and found that among some of the reasons for infidelity were public revulsion for bankers, along with lack of affection in private. Additionally, members were interested in engaging in risky behavior to escape boredom, and feeding the ego by landing a trophy mistress. Long hours, negative public sentiment, stress and separation from their partners makes those that work in finance (and any high-stress job for that matter) more prone to turn to an affair; especially now when there is more than enough stress to go around!

If we look around, we see a higher rate of affairs in other professions that are very demanding, like politicians. I’ve talked about this before and explained my theory. The bio-chemical craving for connection, as discussed in the book Financial Infidelity, stems from stress, separation and/or loss. These are probable elements for finance workers now. The stress goes without saying, and the separation aspect was even mentioned in the study, as bankers work longer and longer hours, lending fewer opportunities to connect with a spouse or partner. Thus, it’s not a stretch to think that those in this field are facing large financial losses themselves, or dealing with clients who have suffered losses.

A common reply in the study from male respondents had to do with boosting egos and giving in to the peer pressure of having a mistress for the sake of status. A stressed out banker distancing himself from family creates fertile ground for indiscretions.

Relieve Stress Without An Affair

All this explains why infidelity happens, but certainly doesn’t excuse it. Although certain people, professions and/or websites make it seem otherwise, an affair is not something to be coveted. Adultery usually leads to a further rift in a relationship, and all too often is the precursor for divorce. Contrary to social and popular belief among some, infidelity is not a status symbol. Rather, it is a symptom of a life that is terribly out of balance.

Instead of choosing infidelity as a solution for relieving stress, communicate with your partner. If you’re not at a good point in your relationship, talk to SOMEONE you trust, with the goal of developing emotional intimacy with your partner. Affairs create more lies, more stress and more separation, and you’ll be worse off than when you started.