Unfortunately, if it’s also a new activity for you and your lady friend, it’s entirely possible that there might be some awkwardness involved. Not on your part, of course -you’re a demon in the sack, natch – but on hers. Obviously this is not a good thing.

So what causes this and what can you do about it? Let’s take a look in a little more detail:

The cause

What’s the cause of awkwardness in the sack? Gee, I don’t know, could it be the nudity? Yes! The most likely cause of in-bed anxiety is that your girl is self-conscious about some part of her anatomy…or all of it. Fair enough, after all, not everyone’s a perfect physical specimen like you! Getting nude in front of a stranger is not something that many of us do often, so except for the exhibitionists amongst us, a little timidity the first few times is only to be expected.

The other possible cause of awkwardness in the sack is inexperience. ‘Nuff said, it’s only natural to feel a little awkward whenever you attempt a new physical activity, whether it’s ballroom dancing, golf, or doing the ‘mattress mambo’.

Don’t forget that the thing with awkwardness is that once it exists, it feeds off awkwardness in other people, actual or perceived. So if your girl is awkward and that makes YOU feel awkward, then the two of you can get caught in an awkwardness feedback loop…and no one wants that. So think about the vibe you’re giving off too.

Luckily, awkwardness in the bedroom is totally fixable (awkwardness in the backseat or on your desk at work on the other hand, is probably always going to carry a degree of awkwardness).

Here’s one strategy that might work: alcohol.

Yes, alcohol! Don’t dismiss alcohol. It’s been heavily involved in the early phases of many a great relationship, not to mention many a *ahem* not entirely planned pregnancy. And why? Well, if you didn’t know, a little alcohol helps people to loosen up and lose their inhibitions.

It also helps to get rid of the self-consciousness that most people get when they get nude. You might find a little tipple goes a long way and that after you’ve done without awkwardness once, the monkey is off your backs, and next time it’ll be natural without any substance abuse required!

The other ‘cure’ is time.

Yes, time! Usually this kind of awkwardness sorts itself out without you needing to do anything. In the meantime, the best strategy is to take the reins, and the initiative, in the bedroom. Take charge and pretend that there’s no awkwardness, and it shouldn’t be long before there isn’t any.

The final piece of advice is not to bring the issue of the awkwardness up with your girlfriend. If you bring it up in conversation, you run the risk of making her even more self-conscious, so it’s better to wait it out as above.

There’s one exception to this, and it’s when you’ve been doing ‘it’ for a while, with no appreciable reduction in the awkwardness stakes. In that case it’s possible that your girl has some serious body image or other issues, and you should not hesitate to dump her ass immediately.

Kidding! You should, of course, encourage her to seek appropriate counseling and remain by her side the whole time.

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If you find yourself wondering whether you should jump ship and take a chance on having great sex in a bad relationship, maybe you should read this article first.  It’s a little sketchy trying to fix bedroom mistakes – you could insult your guy! – but if you’re going to get the lovin you want from him, you gotta take that risk.  Let’s look at some sample bedroom problems and how to fix them.

You run when he wants to give you a massage

I know guys, so let me guess: He’s read a few websites about massage, watched a dozen YouTube videos and now he’s convinced he can do all this great stuff without the benefit of, oh, knowledge of the human anatomy or complex biology like soft hands.  Meanwhile there are tears in your eyes and you’re pretty sure one of your shoulder blades is now drastically higher than the other.

When he offers to massage you, turn the tables and say you’ll do him first.  Give him the massage that you want.  Then when he’s doing you, remind him of the way you did his shoulders and ask if he could do the same for you.

Your kissing-styles don’t macth

This can be a tough one.  After all, who really believes they’re a bad kisser?   Here’s a little trick to get you started in the right direction.  Play a little bondage game.  Tie him up, blindfold him and tell him that he can’t do anything.  He can’t speak, he can’t move.  Most importantly, he can’t kiss you back.  Tell him you want him to just sit back and experience the kiss.   Kiss him in the way you want to be kissed.  Make noises that express how much you enjoy kissing this way (nothing beats a good “mmmmmmm”)

When you untie him, if he crashes into your face like an 18-wheeler through a trailer park, back him up.  Remind him of how much you liked the softer, sweeter kisses.  This may take time, but like a good dog, he can learn new tricks (smacks on the head with a rolled up newspaper are optional).

He’s a bush man

Not a Bush man (although that could be equally bad).  I’m talking bush like his tidy whities appear poofy from the outside and have a halo of curls coming out from the elastic bands.  If you want your guy to manscape that area, you’ll have to take one for the team and do yourself as well.  Make this a couple’s activity that you do when you shower together.

He’s no concert pianist

Some guys don’t know just how very sensitive girls are down there.  Unlike guys, who have all of our junk out for the world to see, yours are on the inside and made of much less sturdy materials.  That’s why running your fingernail over a man’s business feels pretty good to him while running a fingernail inside of a woman can feel like searing death.   Offer to do his nails for him.  (Convince him it’s not gay if you girlfriend does your manicure.)  Secondly, let your man know what feels good and what doesn’t so he can learn from his mistakes.  So many problems women have in the bedroom are caused by not telling the guy what’s wrong.

He’s riding too hard

Ladies I’ll let you in on a little secret: We love letting our eyes glaze over and just pumping with reckless abandon.  However, (correct me if I’m wrong) meanwhile your legs burn from holding them in position for so long and you start to go numb in places we don’t want you numb.  We’re having a blast.  You’re not.  While there’s a time and a place for this kind of sex, if you don’t want to make love like this every time then you need to speak up.  You also need to get on top and BE on top, but that’s a whole different article.

He’s a robot with three functions

Let me guess: Your man can do three things – him on top, you on top, or … wait, your man can do TWO things.  You’re tired of it.  It’s boring, it’s vanilla, and you’re about to scream if you have to have the same boring sex again.

Here’s how to fix it:  It’s time to bring out the porn.  Seriously.  Watch some videos together and point out things you’d like to try.   Or buy Liberator furniture and try all the positions listed in the flyer that comes with it.  Go totally nuts and install a sex swing in your bedroom.  Most people don’t know what they’ll like until they try it – so get out there and show them how great sex can be.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

Great sex only happens with communication.  Something that can help in this area is Adam and Sital’s Compatibility Test.  This resource is GREAT for bringing up all those questions that guys & girls forget to talk about when they are in the honeymoon phase – including sex questions!  Wondering how he feels about porn?  This test will help you find out.  Curious how much he expects you to give it up on a weekly basis?  This test will help you bring up that question with your guy much more tactfully than I just did.

However you handle your communication challenges, keep the lines open and your love life will never go stale!

What problems have you run into in the bedroom? How have you handled a bad kisser/bad massager/overgrowth “down there”? Share your secrets!