So many guys have asked me, “What’s with girls dumping or disappearing after a third date?  Is there some sort of unspoken Girl Code about this?”  Well, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that there’s no Girl Code that mandates that dumping or disappearing from a new relationship should happen after date three.  The bad news – you really messed it up, boy.

But in order for me to explain this properly, we gotta back up to date one and do an autopsy of your dead relationship.  Actually, I can’t even call it a relationship.  It’s just a dead encounter of the non-sexual and non-relationship kind.  A DEotNSaNRK, if you will.

Date One:  Let’s Meet!

The purpose of a first date is to feel awkward.  Let’s face it, every single first date has a bit of awkwardness to it.  The key to a good first date is how quickly you can move past the awkward introductions and silences and into the talking and merriment.

Succeeding at Date One means you have done the following:

• Looked good
• Smelled good
• Didn’t creep her out
• Didn’t overstep your bounds
• Were interesting enough to merit seeing again

Congratulations!!  You’ve made it to date two!

Date Two:  Let’s Try This Again

That first date could have been a fluke.  The second date is to see if things continue on the same good note that the first date ended on.  You don’t necessarily need to step up your game – you just need to show that you’re exactly who you were the first time.

Succeeding at Date Two means you have done the following:

• Looked good (in different clothes!)
• Smelled good (yes, you’ve showered at least once more since meeting her!)
• Didn’t creep her out
• Didn’t overstep your bounds
• Moved at a speed that she was comfortable with
• Were interesting enough to merit seeing a third time

Now, by the end of date two, we’ve probably at least kissed.  Maybe made out a little.  Gotten to third base?  Heck, if you’re really lucky or she’s really adventurous, you may even have gotten laid.

Congratulations, you’ve made it to date three!

Date Three:  Things Might Get Serious

Here’s the tipping point.  By the time we’ve gotten to a third date, we’ve put the seal on liking you enough to say yes to seeing you again TWICE.  We really dig you.  There’s something about you that we really like.  So if you get axed after date three, it means that something came up that totally turned her off.

I polled my girlfriends, and here are some of the things they said were reasons they’ve axed a guy they thought they liked:

• “His apartment was filthy.”
• “His apartment was freaky hospital clean.”
• “It was clear he only had one pair of ‘good pants.’”
• “He was an AWFUL kisser and didn’t take direction well about his technique.”
• “He made an off-the-cuff remark that revealed he hated gay people.”
• “He proposed.  No, seriously.  He proposed.”
• “He hadn’t kissed me yet, so I figured he wasn’t that into me.”
• “He kept trying to get me in bed – I’m not that kind of girl!!!”
• “I thought his laugh would grow on me, but it just got more and more annoying.”
• “I found out he had a kid.  Ummmm, he never said that on his dating profile!”

Guys, the bottom line is this – if she dumps you on date three, then you did or said something that caused her to bolt.  Go back and analyze things.  Play CSI on your DEotNSaNRK.  Then leave a comment and speculate why you’re still single.

One the great Female Mysteries is why we make you wait for sex.  Here’s a list of the possible reasons:

1.         We’re not sure you’re worth it yet.

You’re iffy.  We’re honestly not sure if we want to keep you around and we know that as soon as you tap it, you’ll want to keep us.  The last thing we need is an abandoned puppy begging for sex.

2.         We’re at a vital number in our sexual career.

When I first became sexually active, I set a limit for myself.  I was going to find my husband by the time I got to sex partner #5.  I was really picky when it came to deciding who would be #5.  Then he turned out to be a total ass and dumped me for a floozy at his work.  So I said, “Well, ten is a nice number.”  I picked much better for #10, but ended up dumping him after a year.  Now, well, here’s hoping I find the one by 15.

3.         We’re currently being visited by Aunt Flo.

Also known as the monthly visitor, Aunt Flo makes us feel bloated, dirty (in a bad way), and just plain unsexy.  I like to refer to that time of the month as The Communist Invasion.  (There’s a Red Party in my pants.  Get it?)  Anyway, we may be pushing you away because we’d rather not paint the town red on our first romp.

4.         We have another iron in the fire.

Did you think we were just dating you?  Oh, sorry.  We didn’t have the exclusivity talk yet, so we assumed the game was still on.  We like you enough to keep dating you, but honestly, we’re not sure if we want to bonk you or that other guy.  It’s your brother?  Wow, we knew you looked alike…

5.         We’re not actually dating.

Are you sure we’re dating and not just cuddle buddies?  Be sure you’re on the right ladder before you assume that we’re going to bump uglies ever.  We really thought you knew that we were just friends!  Friends that spend lots of time together… oh, and that occasionally buy dinner for each other.  (Okay, you always pay.)  The snuggling?  We do that with all our friends.

6.         We’re going to dump you.

Sorry, but we’ve pretty much decided that you aren’t worth our time anymore.  There just hasn’t been a good time to tell you yet.  Yep, we’re totally aware that we’ve seen each other nearly every day for the past few weeks.  Yep, totally aware that you’ve probably dropped a few hundred dollars on food and activities.  Yep, totally aware that you’re falling harder for us every time we meet.  But we had to fully test drive you as a boyfriend before deciding if we wanted to commit for the long haul, and you just aren’t working out.  We’ll tell you – eventually.

…of course, there are tons of other reasons why your girl of choice is making you wait for sex.  But instead of asking us, why don’t you ask her?

Well don’t worry, because this article is NOT going to go there. That would be tired, lame and clichéd. No, this is going to an exciting treatise on the best response to the immortal question “so what do you think of my friends?”

Heh. Look, it’s not surprising that this issue of ‘what to say when you get asked something where an honest answer could get you in trouble’ has been around so long (I can imagine cavemen having to sleep outside after giving the wrong answer to “which makes my thighs look thinner, the leopard skin or the wolf fur?”) It’s a tricky issue, because it brings up age-old question of when it’s ok to lie to someone close to you.

Why do people lie at all?

Most of the time, people lie because, well, the truth hurts. Lies avoid this pain, and so lying is actually a vital social skill.

It smooths the waters, it papers over the cracks, and it keeps people happy. Research shows that people start being able to lie convincingly from the age of four and a half, and that pretty much everyone lies multiple times a day just so they can get through life with as little conflict as possible.

Think about this: when you were a kid, did your mom tell you to give an honest assessment of the cooking when your friend invited you around for dinner? No, she told you to say something nice, whatever you really thought. Smart lady!

Despite this, lying has gotten a bad rap, and that’s because there are really two kinds of lying, and the socially useful ‘white lie’ is not the one that gets all of the attention. There’s a world of difference between “I was at home watching TV on the night in question,” and “visiting your parents is exactly what I feel like doing this weekend, baby,” but when we think about lying we instantly think of the first example rather than the second.

So: Don’t feel too bad about telling your girlfriend the odd white lie – she’s almost certainly doing the same thing! Lying is common, and there’s no reason to think that our romantic partners exist in some sort of scrupulously honest parallel universe.

The truth is that people lie to their girlfriend or boyfriend just like they lie to their parents (“of course there won’t be any alcohol at the party”), their boss (“I put the report right on your desk – I guess the cleaner must have thrown it out”), the IRS (“I did not have any other income during the year”) and even their doctor (“I only ever drink in moderation”).

Telling white lies is ultimately a way of managing relationships and keeping people happy. As long as you’re not lying to cover up having done something really bad, it’s probably not worth losing sleep over it. And maybe in time you’ll actually start to like her friends!

What do you think? Is it ok to lie to your significant other? How regularly? Where do YOU draw the line?

Disclaimer: If you do something you know will piss off your partner, don’t write us hate mail. You’re the idiot that followed advice based on a random number generator.

Here we go…

1. Roleplay
Dress up like a bad cop or a sexy schoolgirl. (Bonus points if you’re a guy dressed like a sexy schoolgirl.)

2. Opposite Day
If you’re normally the dominant one in bed, be the one that gets tied up.

3. Go somewhere expensive
Splurge on a crazy fancy dinner where you can sip Perrier and feel like you’re awesome.

4. Go somewhere silly
Borrow a neighbor’s kid and go to Chuck E. Cheese, or go to the go-kart place and drive like maniacs.

5. Watch a really bad movie
Find the worst B movie you can find and force yourselves to watch it. Make commentary (a la Mystery Science Theater 3000).

6. Go down memory lane
Open up your old photo albums and laugh your ass off at your 80s self.

7. Visit a couple that hates each other
You’ll realize how good you really have it.

8. Challenge your partner to a Wii Bowling throwdown
Then massage each other’s sore arms afterwards.

9. Couple’s Massage
Nothing says relaxation and bonding like being naked together and rubbed down by a total stranger.

10. Go to the sex toy store
These places are full of hilarious and exciting things to see (and will give you ideas for things to do when you’re back home).

11. Visit a couple that’s all over each other
Oddly enough, you may find it sick and sappy while you’re there, but it’ll remind you how much you wanna jump your partner.

12. Have a threesome
Hey, I said there’s be some dangerous ones on the list. Why not conquer boredom with a new bed partner?

13. Make out upside down like Spider-Man
It’s every girl’s dream to be with a superhero.

14. Throw a porn party
You’ll get to see some things about your friends that you probably never wanted to know. (By the way, throw the DVD into reverse after the money shot. It’s hilarious.)

15. Dress each other up for a night out
You’ll get an idea of what your partner likes to see you wearing. Wear more of that and you’ll both be happier.

16. Make each other gift bags with dollar store gifts
You each get $10 to buy your partner things from the dollar store that remind you of them. Meet up later to discuss and crack up laughing.

17. Take a Class Together
Learning something with you’re girl gives you more to talk about than that bitch she hates at work.

18. Go on a vacation
Nothing helps you rediscover your partner like being far, far away from all the shit of your everyday lives.

19. Slave day
Be your partner’s slave for a day. Anything (within reason!) that they want, you must provide. Then trade off so they are your slave.

20. Go bar-hopping
If you’re married, take off your rings. Your goal is to see who can get the most amount of phone numbers by the end of the night.

Again, we’re not responsible if you’re an idiot. Bring back the spark into your relationship and most of all – have fun!

What do you and your significant other do to spice things up? What suggestions do you have for couples to keep from getting bored?

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If you find yourself wondering whether you should jump ship and take a chance on having great sex in a bad relationship, maybe you should read this article first.  It’s a little sketchy trying to fix bedroom mistakes – you could insult your guy! – but if you’re going to get the lovin you want from him, you gotta take that risk.  Let’s look at some sample bedroom problems and how to fix them.

You run when he wants to give you a massage

I know guys, so let me guess: He’s read a few websites about massage, watched a dozen YouTube videos and now he’s convinced he can do all this great stuff without the benefit of, oh, knowledge of the human anatomy or complex biology like soft hands.  Meanwhile there are tears in your eyes and you’re pretty sure one of your shoulder blades is now drastically higher than the other.

When he offers to massage you, turn the tables and say you’ll do him first.  Give him the massage that you want.  Then when he’s doing you, remind him of the way you did his shoulders and ask if he could do the same for you.

Your kissing-styles don’t macth

This can be a tough one.  After all, who really believes they’re a bad kisser?   Here’s a little trick to get you started in the right direction.  Play a little bondage game.  Tie him up, blindfold him and tell him that he can’t do anything.  He can’t speak, he can’t move.  Most importantly, he can’t kiss you back.  Tell him you want him to just sit back and experience the kiss.   Kiss him in the way you want to be kissed.  Make noises that express how much you enjoy kissing this way (nothing beats a good “mmmmmmm”)

When you untie him, if he crashes into your face like an 18-wheeler through a trailer park, back him up.  Remind him of how much you liked the softer, sweeter kisses.  This may take time, but like a good dog, he can learn new tricks (smacks on the head with a rolled up newspaper are optional).

He’s a bush man

Not a Bush man (although that could be equally bad).  I’m talking bush like his tidy whities appear poofy from the outside and have a halo of curls coming out from the elastic bands.  If you want your guy to manscape that area, you’ll have to take one for the team and do yourself as well.  Make this a couple’s activity that you do when you shower together.

He’s no concert pianist

Some guys don’t know just how very sensitive girls are down there.  Unlike guys, who have all of our junk out for the world to see, yours are on the inside and made of much less sturdy materials.  That’s why running your fingernail over a man’s business feels pretty good to him while running a fingernail inside of a woman can feel like searing death.   Offer to do his nails for him.  (Convince him it’s not gay if you girlfriend does your manicure.)  Secondly, let your man know what feels good and what doesn’t so he can learn from his mistakes.  So many problems women have in the bedroom are caused by not telling the guy what’s wrong.

He’s riding too hard

Ladies I’ll let you in on a little secret: We love letting our eyes glaze over and just pumping with reckless abandon.  However, (correct me if I’m wrong) meanwhile your legs burn from holding them in position for so long and you start to go numb in places we don’t want you numb.  We’re having a blast.  You’re not.  While there’s a time and a place for this kind of sex, if you don’t want to make love like this every time then you need to speak up.  You also need to get on top and BE on top, but that’s a whole different article.

He’s a robot with three functions

Let me guess: Your man can do three things – him on top, you on top, or … wait, your man can do TWO things.  You’re tired of it.  It’s boring, it’s vanilla, and you’re about to scream if you have to have the same boring sex again.

Here’s how to fix it:  It’s time to bring out the porn.  Seriously.  Watch some videos together and point out things you’d like to try.   Or buy Liberator furniture and try all the positions listed in the flyer that comes with it.  Go totally nuts and install a sex swing in your bedroom.  Most people don’t know what they’ll like until they try it – so get out there and show them how great sex can be.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

Great sex only happens with communication.  Something that can help in this area is Adam and Sital’s Compatibility Test.  This resource is GREAT for bringing up all those questions that guys & girls forget to talk about when they are in the honeymoon phase – including sex questions!  Wondering how he feels about porn?  This test will help you find out.  Curious how much he expects you to give it up on a weekly basis?  This test will help you bring up that question with your guy much more tactfully than I just did.

However you handle your communication challenges, keep the lines open and your love life will never go stale!

What problems have you run into in the bedroom? How have you handled a bad kisser/bad massager/overgrowth “down there”? Share your secrets!

Those of us that live in San Diego know there are a TON of great things to do. From the beach to the desert, from amusement parks to baseball games, there is something for everyone in “America’s Finest City”.

But how do you pick from all these activities to determine what would make for a great date?

Well friends, we here at U Say, I Say are here to help you out! Whether you’re dating someone new and looking to impress them, or you’ve been dating a while and looking for something new to do, we’ve compiled 10 unique and fun date ideas for you to try out (and you can take the credit for these – we don’t mind)

Below are the first 5, and to get the remaining 5 all you have to do is sign up for our pre-launch email list. Enjoy!

1. Behind the Scenes view of Sea World Rent a 2-person kayak at The Catamaran Resort on Mission Bay and paddle over to the water show at Sea World – you get a “behind the scenes” view and you see the show for free. Bring some home-made snacks to munch on (I’m a sucker for the old school PB&J) while you watch and you’ll really score some points. Link to the Map

2. Sunset in Ocean Beach OB is not typically know for its romance (unless hanging with dreadlocked hippies makes your heart go pitter-pat), but there are some nice cliffs that over the look the ocean that make for a great picnic site. Hit up Olive Tree Market to pick up some wine and some snacks from their wide selection of meats and cheeses. Add a blanket and a sunset and you have a great date. Link to the Map

3. Glow-ball golf night at Sail Ho There is some prep required for this date. It only happens a few times a month, so you have to sign up for their email newsletter to make sure you don’t miss the date. It’s far better than your average putt-putt/mini-golf. A short 9-hole course looks spectacular when the night is lit up by multi-colored, glow-in-the-dark golf balls whizzing past. End the evening with a glass of wine and some pizza at Wine Steals, conveniently located at the end of the 9th hole. Link to the Map

4. Take a cooking class at the Prado in Balboa Park These classes take place in a nice, intimate atmosphere where you watch a chef prepare a multi-course meal before your eyes. Afterwards, you are given taken home materials in case you really want to try cooking a dish for your sweetie that a professionally trained chef cooked for him/her (good luck with that one). Link to the Map

5. Gondola ride through Coronado Thought gondola rides were just for Venice? Think again friends. You can hire your very own Gondola right here in San Diego! At The Gondola Company in Coronado you can hire a Gondolier to paddle you around the waterfront, showing off some of San Diego’s most expensive homes. Bring some strawberries and champagne for the ride to score points. Score bonus points if while on the gondola ride you announce to your date you just closed escrow on one of the house you just passed. Link to the Map

6. South Bay Drive-In This is a gem that few people know about and perhaps THE best cheap date in San Diego. It’s a real drive-in theater! Coolers & lawn chairs are allowed. They don’t play cheeseball flicks, only the latest Hollywood blockbusters. Grab your SO and pack some bread, cheese, fruit in a cooler – a few pointers here just for the guys: – Pick some mild cheeses if you plan to kiss her at the end of the night (Manchego is always a winner, cheddar is well-known, Brie is fancy, Pecorina Romano has a nice salty taste). – Cut up your cheese into finger-food size pieces beforehand. – Same with the bread – slice it up before. Go with a crusty baguette for the nicest size slices. – Ditto on the fruit (Apples are simple, Strawberries are romantic and no cutting required, Mango says you have class, no Bananas – they turn brown, Pears are delicious, Oranges are too messy and Cherries can be the pits) Alcohol isn’t allowed, but some sparkling Izze soda can make it just as romantic.

7. Concert on the Sea Find yourself a friend with an inflatable boat & a little electric outboard motor (or take that kayak you rented in date #1). Park your car at Canon Street and take your choice of water-vehicles out to Humphreys for a Concert by the Bay. You’ll find yourself among an entire lot of “boat people,” having a great time and drinking. Don’t forget your own bottle of wine, a bottle opener (there’s nothing worse than having a great bottle of wine and no way to open it) and a couple of glasses. It’s a 4 hour tour without a bathroom, so make sure you give your date fair warning. Stop in the loo before setting sail for Humphreys. Link to the Map

8. Hot Air Balloon ride Nothing says “fun date” like doing something where you have the potential to die. Grab your sweetie and hop into a 10×10 basket attached to gigantic balloon, rented from Hot Air Flyer in Del Mar area. You’ll sail over Del Mar and Rancho Santa Fe fantasizing about owning one of the expansive estates you see below. Link to the Map

10. Temecula Winery 3-Stop Tour Much love to Licia for this one! Everyone knows that Temecula is great for wine tasting, but with so many wineries, how do you know where to go? Here’s your 3-stop plan guaranteed to make a great date: First, stop at the Wilson Creek Winery. You may have heard about their Almond Champagne, but have you heard of their Decadencia Chocolate Port? Both are delicious and unique drinks. Mix them together for to create an Almond Joy – its amazing! Then move to Maurice Car’rie Winery for their baked garilc sourdough brie. They take a giant loaf of sourdough bread and stuff it with brie and garlic. It’s even more tasty than it sounds and you can’t beat it for $15. Finally, finish off the afternoon at Calloway. Calloway is know for their fine selection of wines and the relaxing atmosphere at the winery is the perfect way to wind down your afternoon. Best part about this path is that its easy to follow: Wilson Creek is at the end of the road that winds through the wineries and Calloway is at the beginning. Start at the back and move your way to the front. Link to the Map

11. BONUS – cheap date alert!!! Cinema Under the Stars. This is really one for the guys to score some points – pure romance. Remember those old black & white Audrey Hepburn movies? Bogie & Bacall anyone? It’s a little (and we mean little – only 30 seats) outdoor theater in Hillcrest that looks like someone’s backyard. Seats are $13.50, but if you reserve early (and it’s worth it if you do), you can snag one of their cozy 2-person cabanas. There are only 3, so plan ahead. It’s got a little loveseat where the two of you can snuggle up and enjoy an old romantic movie. If you miss out on the cabana, no worries, they have fully reclining lounge chairs AND they provide blankets too! We can’t say enough good things about it – love it!

So what do you guys think? Have any of you gone on these dates? Which ones would you like to tackle first? Share your experiences below.