The Three Date Mandate, or How Not To Ruin A Good Thing

So many guys have asked me, “What’s with girls dumping or disappearing after a third date?  Is there some sort of unspoken Girl Code about this?”  Well, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that there’s no Girl Code that mandates that dumping or disappearing from a new relationship should happen after date three.  The bad news – you really messed it up, boy.

But in order for me to explain this properly, we gotta back up to date one and do an autopsy of your dead relationship.  Actually, I can’t even call it a relationship.  It’s just a dead encounter of the non-sexual and non-relationship kind.  A DEotNSaNRK, if you will.

Date One:  Let’s Meet!

The purpose of a first date is to feel awkward.  Let’s face it, every single first date has a bit of awkwardness to it.  The key to a good first date is how quickly you can move past the awkward introductions and silences and into the talking and merriment.

Succeeding at Date One means you have done the following:

• Looked good
• Smelled good
• Didn’t creep her out
• Didn’t overstep your bounds
• Were interesting enough to merit seeing again

Congratulations!!  You’ve made it to date two!

Date Two:  Let’s Try This Again

That first date could have been a fluke.  The second date is to see if things continue on the same good note that the first date ended on.  You don’t necessarily need to step up your game – you just need to show that you’re exactly who you were the first time.

Succeeding at Date Two means you have done the following:

• Looked good (in different clothes!)
• Smelled good (yes, you’ve showered at least once more since meeting her!)
• Didn’t creep her out
• Didn’t overstep your bounds
• Moved at a speed that she was comfortable with
• Were interesting enough to merit seeing a third time

Now, by the end of date two, we’ve probably at least kissed.  Maybe made out a little.  Gotten to third base?  Heck, if you’re really lucky or she’s really adventurous, you may even have gotten laid.

Congratulations, you’ve made it to date three!

Date Three:  Things Might Get Serious

Here’s the tipping point.  By the time we’ve gotten to a third date, we’ve put the seal on liking you enough to say yes to seeing you again TWICE.  We really dig you.  There’s something about you that we really like.  So if you get axed after date three, it means that something came up that totally turned her off.

I polled my girlfriends, and here are some of the things they said were reasons they’ve axed a guy they thought they liked:

• “His apartment was filthy.”
• “His apartment was freaky hospital clean.”
• “It was clear he only had one pair of ‘good pants.’”
• “He was an AWFUL kisser and didn’t take direction well about his technique.”
• “He made an off-the-cuff remark that revealed he hated gay people.”
• “He proposed.  No, seriously.  He proposed.”
• “He hadn’t kissed me yet, so I figured he wasn’t that into me.”
• “He kept trying to get me in bed – I’m not that kind of girl!!!”
• “I thought his laugh would grow on me, but it just got more and more annoying.”
• “I found out he had a kid.  Ummmm, he never said that on his dating profile!”

Guys, the bottom line is this – if she dumps you on date three, then you did or said something that caused her to bolt.  Go back and analyze things.  Play CSI on your DEotNSaNRK.  Then leave a comment and speculate why you’re still single.

DEBATE: Go to a Fantasy Football Draft or to a Friends Wedding?

Tony and Jessica have been dating for 2 years and are in a happy long-term relationship.  Jessica’s friend, who Tony is also friends with is getting married in the fall.  Unfortunately the wedding is planned on the Saturday of Tony’s annual, in-person fantasy football draft with his buddies from college.

Tony knows he should go to the wedding; he and Jessica have been together for a while and there will be a lot of people there that know them.  On the other hand, he has been playing in this football league for years, even before he was with Jessica, and would hate to miss out on the annual ritual (not to mention end up with a bad team!).

Should Tony participate in his draft or go to the wedding with Jessica?

Guys: Is Your Lady Awkward in Bed? Here’s How to Fix it!

Ah, the horizontal tango. Knocking boots. Making the beast with two backs. Parking the pink Plymouth in the garage of love. Sexual congress. Sex: it’s a beautiful thing! And there sure are a lot of euphemisms for it.

Unfortunately, if it’s also a new activity for you and your lady friend, it’s entirely possible that there might be some awkwardness involved. Not on your part, of course -you’re a demon in the sack, natch – but on hers. Obviously this is not a good thing.

So what causes this and what can you do about it? Let’s take a look in a little more detail: Read more

Top 10 Signs that Moving In Together with Your Guy Would be a Good Idea

Ok, here we go. With apologies to David Letterman, here are the “Top 10 Signs that Moving In Together with Your Guy Would be a Good Idea”:
Read more

PODCAST: Panel Discusses Dating in the Workplace

For this U Say, I Say podcast we posed a familiar problem to our panelists:  Should a person date in the workplace? Our panelist gave some great, humorous insights that will help you decide on whether to make a move on that guy or girl in the next cubicle (or office if you roll large like that). Read more

A Review of a Kick-Ass Compatibility Test

When I first saw the International Relationship Institutes compatibility test, my first thought was “Why do I need this?”

You see I have been in a great relationship for the past two years and it seems to me we are very compatible.  We enjoying sports (both playing and watching), both work in technology  - even both love jalapenos!  How much more compatible can you be?  Why would I need some “test” to tell me if we’re good for each other? Read more