Why Guys Dont Expect Women to Change

Of all the relationship questions known to man, the question of who does or doesn’t expect the other person to change is one that shows up one of the biggest difference between men and women.

You see, when it comes to sex and dating, men are creatures of the NOW. Ever tried to get a horny male to delay having sex for a few hours because there really isn’t time? …Or because you’re visiting your parents? Or because you’re in the mosh pit at a rock concert? Or for any other very good reason? You’re likely to hear this sort of response: “Wait until TONIGHT? Anything could happen between now and then – I could get hit by a bus, my penis could get injured, you could just decide you don’t want to anymore. Tonight may as well be never. It has to be now!”

Similarly, when we start dating you, it’s because we’re attracted to you NOW. Men don’t really factor in things like what you’ll look like in ten years, what sort of a mother you’ll make, or what you’d be like to live with. Hell, men don’t really factor in what it’ll be like to wake up next to you in the morning. Simple creatures, ain’t we?

For this reason, men are continually surprised when things about you or about the relationship do change, as they inevitably will. “Wow, you kind of have a lot of grey hair now – I wasn’t expecting that!”

This is especially true for sex.

Ok, this probably sounds ridiculous, but a lot of us convince ourselves that the early-relationship wherever/whenever 10-times-a-week sex is going to be a feature of our relationship with you for as long as we’re both physically capable of it.

Yes, this does lead to some disappointment.

Women, bless you all, seem to be able to think in terms that are a little more long-range when it comes to dating, sex and relationships. However, the problem with this is that women often ‘look into the future’ and make the mistake of thinking that their man will change (for the better!) once they start dating. Thus we have the popular refrain “I really thought I could change him”, which has been uttered by many, many a woman down through the centuries.

This is usually mission: impossible, because after the age of fourteen, men stay as much the same as they can possible manage to. In times past, men ‘grew up’ because they were forced to by their circumstances, or because it was an attractive option. Now, we can play Playstation, buy toys, have sex, drink, party, and risk our necks doing foolish things from early adolescence until our joints seize up, and many of us try to do just that.

There is one thing that really does change men though, and that’s fatherhood. Call us soft, but there’s something about those little guys (or girls) that might just make us agree to give up the motorbike and the base-jumping…at least until they’re older.

So there you go. If you really want a man to change, just have his baby! It’s that simple.

DEBATE: Will Elin Nordegren Divorce Tiger Woods Because of His Cheating?

By now unless you are blind, deaf and have no friends, you have heard that Tiger Woods, the world’s #1 golfer and arguably the best golfer of all time was recently caught cheating on his wife Elin Nordegren.  There doesn’t seem to much dispute about whether or not he committed adultery, although how much adultery remains in question as woman after woman comes out of the woodwork to add to Tiger’s list of “transgressions“.

You know we here at U Say, I Say would have something to say about this, especially considering how much attention our Steve McNair debate generated.

So in light of the degree of the transgressions committed by Tiger, Sital and Adam debate the following question:

Will Elin Nordegren divorce Tiger Woods because of his cheating?

So read both Adam and Sital’s takes below, then log your vote.  We’ll send out the results in about two weeks time.

Will Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian Last at least Two Years?

Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian have been dating for a little less than two months.  Surprising both family and friends, they have decided to wed despite their short time together.  This has led many to wonder their true intentions and sets the scene for another U Say, I Say debate.

The question:  Will Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashians marriage last at least two years?

Why Men Open Car Doors for Ladies (and Paris Hilton)

This is a great question, one every man should be asked or ask themselves. Why DO we open car doors for you? Clearly you have functioning arms and legs of your own, so opening it yourself shouldn’t present much of a problem. Besides, having us open the door means you have to wait while we get out of the car and run around to your side, just to open a door that you could have opened yourself in about two seconds. Seriously, does it make ANY sense?

Not much!  Not much until you realize that opening car doors for you is a small gesture that opens up…a different world.

Let me explain.

Opening a car door is a manly, romantic gesture. Contrary to popular belief, men need a little romance and fantasy in their lives once in a while too. A little gesture like opening a car door, offering you our jacket, or paying for dinner makes us feel like romance is not dead, that once in a while we can act like romantic men and have it appreciated.

Why do we like this?

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Maybe because being romantic transports us back to an age when (in our heads) everything was glamorous and sexy, when we got to be men and women got to be women. An age, perhaps, when the rules were fairer, and clearer, and if you wore a sharp suit and a great hat and opened car doors, you’d get a gorgeous girl who’d hang off your arm, giggle at all your jokes, and make you feel like a man.

Similarly with paying for dinner.

A lot of young, single women make as much money as men do these days, so why do men still often pay for dinner, particularly on a first date? Is it to make you feel obliged to let us cop a feel on your front step when we drop you home?

Well, that might be a small part of it…

But a bigger part of it is that, again, paying for dinner is a romantic gesture that makes us feel like men. What paying for dinner means is this: I’m powerful; I’m in control. It was my idea to have dinner, it was my idea where to go to eat, and I have the money to pay for whatever I like.

The thing is that the modern day world sometimes makes men feel like they don’t get to be men anymore. Women have important jobs too, sometimes more important than ours, and they earn money and make decisions and (sometimes) have promiscuous sex just like we do. Some of the space and some of the roles that used to be ours and ours alone now have to be shared. Overall, that’s undoubtedly a good thing, but it can make us feel like we’re more and more peripheral, without much of a real identity.

As you might have guessed by now, a simple thing like opening a car door actually reveals a lot about deep dark male psychology! And in case you were wondering, if you want the men around you to be happy and treat you well, give them a chance to act like the romantic men they secretly want to be once in a while. Let them know you appreciate it and you’ll definitely enjoy the consequences!

DEBATE: Go to a Fantasy Football Draft or to a Friends Wedding?

Tony and Jessica have been dating for 2 years and are in a happy long-term relationship.  Jessica’s friend, who Tony is also friends with is getting married in the fall.  Unfortunately the wedding is planned on the Saturday of Tony’s annual, in-person fantasy football draft with his buddies from college.

Tony knows he should go to the wedding; he and Jessica have been together for a while and there will be a lot of people there that know them.  On the other hand, he has been playing in this football league for years, even before he was with Jessica, and would hate to miss out on the annual ritual (not to mention end up with a bad team!).

Should Tony participate in his draft or go to the wedding with Jessica?

4 Ways to be a BAD Wingman

Being a good wingman is one of the best things you can do for your single male friends. It’s the real-life version of being the Robin to your buddy’s Batman; the modern version of being a squire to their knight; the social version of…well, of being an actual wingman!

Greater love hath no man than this, that he is ready to don a loud shirt, go out on the town with his friend, and help him get a little action with the ladies.

Course they don’t teach you how to do this stuff in grade school (hmmm…maybe they should…), so maybe you don’t exactly know what to do, or what NOT to do. In that case, you’ve come to the right article! So read on for how NOT to do it. Read more

Little Known Reasons Why He Won’t Marry You

Ahh, the big ‘M’. No book, article, magazine, website, radio play, musical, speech or casual conversation about dating and relationships would be complete without a consideration of Holy Matrimony, would it.

Well then.

The answer to this time-honored question is really a bit of a two-parter. As far as the dating part goes, it breaks down like this: we’ll date you for a long time for all the expected reasons – because we’re attracted to you, because we love you, because we like your company, because you laugh at our jokes, because you’re pretty, because we like your ass and because your hair smells good. Even because, well, we really can’t imagine life without you (whether or not we admit the fact). Sound good so far? Nothing unexpected there hopefully.

On to part two.

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I know what you’re thinking: if the dating is so good, what’s with the lack of intention to get married? And the answer is just that…well…marriage is so final.

Yes we love you, yes we want to stay together, but to voluntarily pledge eternal commitment to one woman is, for a man, to do something that flies in the face of our deep impulses to spread our seed far and wide - impulses that have been shaped by millions of years of evolution. That doesn’t mean that we don’t want to or can’t stay faithful to just one woman, it just means…that we don’t want to have to promise to out loud.

Don’t forget that ultimately, marriage is no more than a social ritual. No doubt it’s an important one, and one that exists in many different cultures, but it’s no more than that. It’s not going to make a bad relationship into a good one, and once the last thank-you card has been written nothing will have changed.

If you’re wondering why men aren’t as keen on marriage now as they were a couple of generations ago, remember that getting married used to mean that you could start having sex.

This meant that people tended to marry very young (and still do in many midwest states)! The fact that most of us are now happy to ‘put out’ before entering into the bounds of holy matrimony is, not to put too fine a point on it, something of a game-changer.

To complete the picture, one must also point out that the statistics irrefutably show that marriage is in decline. People marry comparatively late in life now, and around 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Do we really want to start something that appears to be doomed to failure from the get-go? Could marriage have had its day? Do we even need it anymore?

Finally, if you’re reading this, maybe you’re a woman who’s been in a relationship with a man for some time, and maybe you’re asking yourself, why hasn’t he asked me to marry him? Why isn’t he giving me what I want?

Well, you could ask yourself, are you giving him what he wants? Like, say…a threesome with you and your bestie?   No, thought not.

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DEBATE: When You’re Breaking Up With Someone Should You Tell Them You Cheated?

Steve and Liz dated for almost a year before their relationship started to hit the skids.  Over the past month, Liz has become increasingly distant and their arguments went from minor tiffs to major yelling matches.

Liz believes that its time for them to break up and go their separate ways.  However, she is debating if she should bring up the fact that she cheated on Steve about a month ago.  She thinks it could help explain why they have been fighting so much, but is unsure if it’s too much information at this point.

Should Liz tell Steve that she cheated or just keep it to her self?

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Don’t miss any of our intriguing insights, distinct date ideas, diverse debates, or poignant podcasts! Sign up for our email newsletter today!

Guys: Why Girls Get Frustrated When You Play Video Games

You’ve had a rough week at work and all you want to do is settle down with a bottle of beer and your Xbox and blow some shit up, y’know?  But there’s your girlfriend.  Standing in front of the TV.  Nagging.  Again. Read more

Top 10 Signs that Moving In Together with Your Guy Would be a Good Idea

Ok, here we go. With apologies to David Letterman, here are the “Top 10 Signs that Moving In Together with Your Guy Would be a Good Idea”:
Read more

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