The Three Date Mandate, or How Not To Ruin A Good Thing

So many guys have asked me, “What’s with girls dumping or disappearing after a third date?  Is there some sort of unspoken Girl Code about this?”  Well, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that there’s no Girl Code that mandates that dumping or disappearing from a new relationship should happen after date three.  The bad news – you really messed it up, boy.

But in order for me to explain this properly, we gotta back up to date one and do an autopsy of your dead relationship.  Actually, I can’t even call it a relationship.  It’s just a dead encounter of the non-sexual and non-relationship kind.  A DEotNSaNRK, if you will.

Date One:  Let’s Meet!

The purpose of a first date is to feel awkward.  Let’s face it, every single first date has a bit of awkwardness to it.  The key to a good first date is how quickly you can move past the awkward introductions and silences and into the talking and merriment.

Succeeding at Date One means you have done the following:

• Looked good
• Smelled good
• Didn’t creep her out
• Didn’t overstep your bounds
• Were interesting enough to merit seeing again

Congratulations!!  You’ve made it to date two!

Date Two:  Let’s Try This Again

That first date could have been a fluke.  The second date is to see if things continue on the same good note that the first date ended on.  You don’t necessarily need to step up your game – you just need to show that you’re exactly who you were the first time.

Succeeding at Date Two means you have done the following:

• Looked good (in different clothes!)
• Smelled good (yes, you’ve showered at least once more since meeting her!)
• Didn’t creep her out
• Didn’t overstep your bounds
• Moved at a speed that she was comfortable with
• Were interesting enough to merit seeing a third time

Now, by the end of date two, we’ve probably at least kissed.  Maybe made out a little.  Gotten to third base?  Heck, if you’re really lucky or she’s really adventurous, you may even have gotten laid.

Congratulations, you’ve made it to date three!

Date Three:  Things Might Get Serious

Here’s the tipping point.  By the time we’ve gotten to a third date, we’ve put the seal on liking you enough to say yes to seeing you again TWICE.  We really dig you.  There’s something about you that we really like.  So if you get axed after date three, it means that something came up that totally turned her off.

I polled my girlfriends, and here are some of the things they said were reasons they’ve axed a guy they thought they liked:

• “His apartment was filthy.”
• “His apartment was freaky hospital clean.”
• “It was clear he only had one pair of ‘good pants.’”
• “He was an AWFUL kisser and didn’t take direction well about his technique.”
• “He made an off-the-cuff remark that revealed he hated gay people.”
• “He proposed.  No, seriously.  He proposed.”
• “He hadn’t kissed me yet, so I figured he wasn’t that into me.”
• “He kept trying to get me in bed – I’m not that kind of girl!!!”
• “I thought his laugh would grow on me, but it just got more and more annoying.”
• “I found out he had a kid.  Ummmm, he never said that on his dating profile!”

Guys, the bottom line is this – if she dumps you on date three, then you did or said something that caused her to bolt.  Go back and analyze things.  Play CSI on your DEotNSaNRK.  Then leave a comment and speculate why you’re still single.

How A Guy Knows When He’s Got You Hooked

Ever heard of the expression ‘doggy dinner bowl look’?

Like a hungry puppy dog contemplating a bowl of food, the doggy dinner bowl look (or DDBL) is one of unrestrained desire, and for men who recognize it, it’s the ultimate signal that a woman is all yours. Of course, you have to watch for it, and it can be easy to miss!

Failing the DDBL, the next best signal that lets us know you’re ours is when you start to laugh at all our jokes (let’s face it, not all of them are funny). That’s a pretty sure signal too.

As a matter of fact, in the ’seduction community’ (these are the guys who’ve elevated getting girls to an art form), the gold standard for knowing a woman is interested in you is three ‘IOIs’ within a short space of time. IOI stands for ‘indicator of interest‘, and it could be anything from the above mentioned laughter-at-bad-jokes, to the classic playing-with-the-hair, to compliments, touching, leaning in, holding hands while squeezing through a crowd and then not letting go straight away afterwords, and so on.

---

---

Not all men are so knowledgeable about women though, so if you want to let a guy know you like him, sometimes you’ll need to spell out your interest a little more clearly…yes, a written invitation would be lovely, thanks.

Of course, this all relates strictly to when we first meet you. A little further along in the relationship, how do we know you’re getting serious about us? …Well, sex is usually a good start! If that hurdle has already been jumped, then the final signal we look for that it’s not merely a fling for you is either or both of the following:

1) Any sign of jealousy – for example, we talk to another girl on a night out, and you get bent out of shape about it; and 2) Being introduced to your friends or family. Why these two things? Read on to find out.

Jealousy

Why is jealousy a powerful indicator that we’ve got you hooked? Because jealousy is reserved for people we feel something for. In order to be jealous of someone, you have to care about them in the first place. It’s exactly the same for men as it is for women, and as an aside, this is why while it’s fine to recount tales of your sexual (mis)adventures with a guy you’re seeing on a casual basis, it’s not a good idea to do the same thing with a guy you’re serious about.

A man who’s really into you doesn’t want to think about you being with anyone else, whether it’s in the present, the future, or a day before your 16^th birthday upstairs at Susie Mitchell’s party with that boy from the 10^th grade. Men are funny like that. So keep it to yourself.

Meeting your friends or family

When people get a new boyfriend or girlfriend that they like and are serious about, they always (consciously or subconsciously) want the approval of their friends and family. This works a little differently for guys, because if you’re really hot, we might introduce you to our mates strictly on a ‘check-out-the-girl-I’m-doing-it-with, not-bad-eh basis’, but generally people introduce their lovers to friends and family because they’re seeking approval of their choice.

So: when you invite us to dinner at your parent’s place, brunch with your sister, or even on a night out with your friends, and then you get jealous if we spend too much time talking to the other ladies in the group, we know that’s a sure signal you want us to stick around!

Don’t miss any of our intriguing insights, distinct date ideas, diverse debates, or poignant podcasts! Sign up for our email newsletter today!

Guys: Why Girls Get Frustrated When You Play Video Games

You’ve had a rough week at work and all you want to do is settle down with a bottle of beer and your Xbox and blow some shit up, y’know?  But there’s your girlfriend.  Standing in front of the TV.  Nagging.  Again. Read more

What Not to Do on a First Date

So there’s a girl you like, and you’re thinking about asking her out on a date. Fair enough, that’s the traditional way of doing things!

But hold up a second there cowboy. If you really want the inside story on this whole dating thing, you should be aware that the whole going-out-to-dinner thing is WAY overrated. Read more

If You Don’t Stop Telling Your Girlfriend These 5 Things, You’ll Hate Yourself Later

Have you heard this one? “Honesty is the best policy.” Ah, no, it’s not. At least not always, and certainly not when it comes to people that you really care about. One of the justifiable reasons for not telling the whole truth, is to protect someone’s feelings, and this should apply to your girlfriend most of all! So don’t leap to the conclusion that just because you’re in a relationship the rule about not oversharing doesn’t apply. Read more

PODCAST: Should You Tell the Woman You’re Dating You Have a Small Penis?

For this U Say, I Say podcast we posed a fictional problem to our panelists and asked them to weigh in and debate the how the problem should be resolved.  What you’ll hear is how different people with different backgrounds from all over the country would recommend dealing with a given situation. Read more

Why It’s Ok to Lie to the Person You’re Dating

STOP! WAIT! I know what you’re expecting here: one of those dull treatises on the best response to the immortal question “does my ass look big in this?”

Well don’t worry, because this article is NOT going to go there. That would be tired, lame and clichéd. No, this is going to an exciting treatise on the best response to the immortal question “so what do you think of my friends?” Read more

What Everybody Ought to Know About The Role of Myspace and Facebook Early in a Relationship

Where would we be without our social networking sites?  It started out as a great way to reconnect with high school and college classmates, old friends from the neighborhood you grew up in, and maybe (though you’d never admit it) as a way to spy on your exes.  Read more

The Secret to Merging Households: What To Keep? What To Toss?

You’ve taken the big step and agreed to live with your girl – congrats tiger!  I’m a big fan of trying it before you buy it, so cohabitation will give you the chance to see if you can tolerate this person for the long haul.   (But hey, it also gives them the chance to see if they can tolerate YOU – so behave yourself!)  Of course, you probably have doubles of some things.   What are things you should keep and what should you toss? Read more

How To Handle A Hairy Man

This guy is so perfect.  He’s smart, he’s sweet, he has a career, he has his head firmly planted on his hairy shoulders.  Ew.  Okay, there’s the problem.  He’s your perfect man, but he’s… shall we say – furry? Read more

Next Page »