The Three Best Break up Excuses for Guys
September 25, 2009 by Tobias S.
Filed under Better Dating, Featured
So it’s over with this girl, huh. Damn! Breaking up is hard, but unfortunately it’s something that if you’re in the dating game, you just have to do now and again.
Luckily for you, this article has your back on some of the essentials that you’re going to need. First of all, you’re going to need a break up excuse. And before you say anything, you DO need a break up excuse! In case you had some charmingly quaint notion about telling the truth – don’t. Just don’t. There is a time for honesty, and a time for lies, and this is definitely the latter of the two.
The best break up excuses are those that: a) don’t cause the other person any pain, and b) don’t keep any kind of door open that could give the other person hope that you might get back together. The ‘b)’ thing is important, because some girls just don’t take no for an answer, particularly those with low self-esteem. For this reason you need to make yourself clear – when it’s over, it’s o-v-e-r!
Let’s take a look at some break up excuses that fit the bill:
Three classics
If you’re pretty sure you’re never going to see the person again, it’s hard to beat “I think maybe I’m gay” (or if you’re gay, the somewhat less plausible “I think maybe I’m straight”).
After all, no one is to blame for it, and it also shuts the door pretty hard on a possible reconciliation. If you think you’re going to need to plant some physical evidence first to make this convincing, a prominent internet browser history involving nude men should do nicely.
“I’m moving to Kansas” is a tried and tested classic.
Of course you’ll need to modify this in certain circumstances. Like for example, if you already live in Kansas (in which case…sorry, just – sorry). If you really want to go all-out, you could punch this up a notch and pick another country rather than merely another state, but the danger here is that it might sound exotic, exciting and sexy instead of, well, like a life sentence. Then you run the risk of getting the response “I’ll come with you!”
Here’s another good one: “I need to concentrate on my music career.” This makes you sound like a total douche, but it has a certain ring to it, and she’s unlikely to challenge you on it or feel bad. Extra points for using this one if your girlfriend has never seen you play an instrument – you’ll seem completely insane, but that might work to your advantage. Either way, it’ll be over! And a modern twist “I’ve been thinking we should spice things up a little…what say we hook up a threesome with your friend Simone?” Sure, this one is a bit ‘out there’, but what’s the worst that could happen? She could say yes? It’s a win-win! You have to admit that for sheer audacity, this has some merit. And best of all, she won’t be hurt. Disgusted, sure. But not hurt.
Don’t miss any of our intriguing insights, distinct date ideas, diverse debates, or poignant podcasts! Sign up for our email newsletter today!
Related posts:
I’m hoping this article is a joke. Is it a joke? If not, I disagree with every single thing on this page, except b) don’t keep any kind of door open that could give the other person hope that you might get back together. And nothing in this article suggests a good way to do that. Any girl with half a brain is going to know that any of those three “classics” are BS. And other than the gay one, they both leave the door wide open, because you haven’t had the cajones to just come out and say to her “I’m just not that into you.” To be nice about it, you can emphasize what a great person we are, you just don’t feel the spark. And there’s no way to argue with that. If you throw us some crappy excuse, we will rack our brains trying to figure out what went wrong. And if you don’t tell us that you’re just not feelin it, we don’t care if you are moving or want to be a rock star, netiher of those states firmly that there’s no place in those scenarios for us to fit in. Guys, I know its hard. I personally know of more than one guy who stayed in a relationship he didn’t want to be in because he was afraid to hurt the girls feelings by breaking up with her. Well, first off, its gonna hurt a lot more if we can’t figure out why you are being a d-bag all the time. And secondly, sorry if its tough, but that’s life. If you are the kind of person who when life throws you a tough situation, you manipulate and lie your way out of it, then go ahead, tell her you’re gay. But if you’re a stand up dude, just take a deep breath and explain to her nicely and respectfully that you’re just not that into her. Unless she’s a crazy b*tch, then you can do whatever you want!
First off: Bonus points for using the term d-bag in a sentance. Well done!
Second: I know that when talking about relationships, people can tend to be serious (especially for those who’s biological clock is ticking). But sometimes we need to relax and have some fun with the subject don’t we?
I would hope that most of my readers have a chuckle with my articles while also finding something to take away. In this case the guys out there get a good chuckle about some of this advice (the music career one lets say) and something to think about (shutting the door so there is no hope after the breakup)
Finally: To your last point, sometimes you DO need to bust out a crazy excuse!
Don’t you think our good buddy Steve McNair
wishes he just would have just busted out the gay excuse right about now? (I’m going to hell for that comment aren’t I