The Three Date Mandate, or How Not To Ruin A Good Thing

February 2, 2010 by Rachel W.
Filed under Girls, Explained

So many guys have asked me, “What’s with girls dumping or disappearing after a third date? Is there some sort of unspoken Girl Code about this?” Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there’s no Girl Code that mandates that dumping or disappearing from a new relationship should happen after date three. The bad news – you really messed it up, boy.

But in order for me to explain this properly, we gotta back up to date one and do an autopsy of your dead relationship. Actually, I can’t even call it a relationship. It’s just a dead encounter of the non-sexual and non-relationship kind. A DEotNSaNRK, if you will.

Date One: Let’s Meet!

The purpose of a first date is to feel awkward. Let’s face it, every single first date has a bit of awkwardness to it. The key to a good first date is how quickly you can move past the awkward introductions and silences and into the talking and merriment.

Succeeding at Date One means you have done the following:

Looked good
Smelled good
Didn’t creep her out
Didn’t overstep your bounds
Were interesting enough to merit seeing again

Congratulations!! You’ve made it to date two!

Date Two: Let’s Try This Again

That first date could have been a fluke. The second date is to see if things continue on the same good note that the first date ended on. You don’t necessarily need to step up your game – you just need to show that you’re exactly who you were the first time.

Succeeding at Date Two means you have done the following:

Looked good (in different clothes!)
Smelled good (yes, you’ve showered at least once more since meeting her!)
Didn’t creep her out
Didn’t overstep your bounds
Moved at a speed that she was comfortable with
Were interesting enough to merit seeing a third time

Now, by the end of date two, we’ve probably at least kissed. Maybe made out a little. Gotten to third base? Heck, if you’re really lucky or she’s really adventurous, you may even have gotten laid.

Congratulations, you’ve made it to date three!

Date Three: Things Might Get Serious

Here’s the tipping point. By the time we’ve gotten to a third date, we’ve put the seal on liking you enough to say yes to seeing you again TWICE. We really dig you. There’s something about you that we really like. So if you get axed after date three, it means that something came up that totally turned her off.

I polled my girlfriends, and here are some of the things they said were reasons they’ve axed a guy they thought they liked:

“His apartment was filthy.”
“His apartment was freaky hospital clean.”
“It was clear he only had one pair of ‘good pants.’”
“He was an AWFUL kisser and didn’t take direction well about his technique.”
“He made an off-the-cuff remark that revealed he hated gay people.”
“He proposed. No, seriously. He proposed.”
“He hadn’t kissed me yet, so I figured he wasn’t that into me.”
“He kept trying to get me in bed – I’m not that kind of girl!!!”
“I thought his laugh would grow on me, but it just got more and more annoying.”
“I found out he had a kid. Ummmm, he never said that on his dating profile!”

Guys, the bottom line is this – if she dumps you on date three, then you did or said something that caused her to bolt. Go back and analyze things. Play CSI on your DEotNSaNRK. Then leave a comment and speculate why you’re still single.