Why You Girls Love Married Men and What to Do About It
July 5, 2009 by David M.
Filed under Guys, Explained
You know who you are: For some reason, you always find yourself falling in love with married men. What the heck is wrong with you? Can’t you find a man who is single? Your friends are sick and tired of hearing you whine about how much you love this guy and he’s perfect except for that pesky wife of his. What’s worse is when you’re dating the man – being that exotic “other woman” – and you fall hard. He keeps saying he loves you and he’s going to leave his wife for you, but is he really?
I have heard from many of my guy friends that as soon as they get married, they find more women flirting with them. What is with this magical ring? (I’m seriously considering telling my single buddies to try sporting one of these the next time they go out to the club)
Let me break it down for you ladies:
1. You want what you can’t have. If a guy has a ring on his finger, it means he belongs to another woman. Girls being girls, you always want whatever the other girls have.
It all started back when you stole that Malibu Barbie from Jane’s Barbie Townhouse back in elementary school (those things do happen right?). She had it, you wanted it, so you took it. Now that you’re grown-up, it’s silly to steal dolls, so it’s much better to just steal men. You gotta up your game, right?
2. You love a challenge. “Oh, you’re in love with your wife? That’s super. Does she like video games? No? Well, I love video games. Could play them all day! Does she let you watch porn? No? Oh, that’s too bad, I love porn. You have a great sex life? Three times a week? That’s okay. I prefer three times a day myself. Can’t get enough.”
The idea of one-upping the wife and stealing away the husband is so exciting that sometimes, we’re willing to lie in order to make it happen. Of course, then you’re stuck in an affair where you have to pretend to like video games, porn, and sex three times a day (even if you’re tired, even if you’re sick).
Married men also exude a certain scent of security that you can’t find with bachelors. After all, he said “I do” with someone. He’s not afraid to commit! Obviously, he should be way better at relationships than those single losers you’ve been trying to date,right?(We’ll ignore for a minute the fact that he’s a cheater).
If you wanted a casual fling, you could have had that with any loser from the Casual Encounters page of Craigslist. But a married man, that’s different. He’s extra special. He has a wife but is leaving her to be with you because you’re better. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.
Whether this relationship is going to pan out into anything serious depends on the type of man he is. Some married men are on the prowl for a mistress to have fun with. He’s not interested in you as anything other than a sex toy.
In fact here’s the patented U Say I Say test for “If a Married Guy Just Wants You for Sex™”: If you suggest getting together in a location that doesn’t involve you getting partially naked, and he consistently turns you down, HE DOESN’T REALLY LOVE YOU. Let’s hope you’re not in love with this guy. You can be in love with sex – in which case you’re perfect for each other! – but don’t be in love with the man himself.
The second type of married man is the one who is unhappy in his marriage but doesn’t have the huevos to do something about it.
He’ll fawn all over you, he’ll be super romantic, he’ll even put off the sex just like he’s trying to have a real relationship with you. It’ll seem like you’re the only two people in the world. But there’s always SOMETHING that’ll drag him back to his wife and away from you (hint: often its kids).
He may promise you the moon and stars, but all this guy is going to deliver is a can of Cambell’s Chicken n’Stars (note: If that’s your thing please see above advice about seeking people on Craigslist).
The third type is the married man who wants an excuse to leave his marriage. If you don’t mind being an excuse, this might be the married man for you!
These are the men who will actually leave their wife for you – but beware, it can be really hard to tell the difference between this guy and the Chicken n’Stars guy who will leave you heartbroken and alone (over and over and over again!).
My friends Brian and Meg hooked up at a work convention when they were both married to other people. (Ah, convention love!) They were both unhappy in their marriages, found each other, fell in love, divorced their spouses, married each other, and now they have a baby on the way. Seems perfect – so far. It could happen to you, but these stories are pretty rare.
I get it – it can be fun dating a married guy. You get the rush of eating forbidden fruit in addition to the giddy feeling of a new romance. You might even get someone great out of it. But let’s face it, most likely you won’t. If you keep finding yourself locked in power games with married guys, it’s time to take a look at what’s wrong with YOU that you keep putting yourself in those situations. Get some help and go find a nice bachelor guy. They’re really not so bad!
What have been you’re experiences with married men? Does the mistress get the man sometimes? Married guys – have you left your wives for another woman and been happy? Sound off!
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